Thoughts of the Children
by Dark Qiviut
Summary: This focuses on all the DigiDestined's thoughts before, during, and after their adventures and how their lives changed as a result. [Maria's thoughts finally up!]
1. Tai Kamiya

(Disclaimer: I own the plot, but don't own Digimon)

* * *

_**NOTE… **I want to advise that the thoughts of these six kids, minus T.K. and Kari, have **nothing **to do with Season 2 or Our War Game, so I recommend that you **completely **ignore it._

_**SECOND NOTE… **Don't go quick to judgment on T.K. and Kari. I will mention those two, as well, but since they were in both adventures, their thoughts will be mentioned for both of their journeys. All good? Now, onto the story.

* * *

_

**_Thoughts of the Children, Ch. I: Tai Kamiya_**

I was called many things early in my life: leader, clown, jerk, whatever you could think of. But, no matter what they thought, I always considered myself a role model to my team, especially my soccer team. My teammates were always around me, especially Sora. However, I got so wrapped up in my leadership role, I always thought that everything revolved around me, that _I _was the one who can solve all the problems.

Then, when my friends and I got to the Digital World and met our digimon for the very first time, I quickly realized that I couldn't do it all alone. I had to have my friends by my side. This was proven when we battled Etemon. I became very cocky, bold, and _stupid,_ which almost cost us our lives, but thanks to Izzy's smarts and Joe's counseling, we were able to fight him off and kicked his digi-tail into the next dimension. Afterwards, I knew that I had more of a responsibility as a leader than I thought I had. And _this _time, I wasn't going to take it for granted, that I wouldn't consider this a game anymore.

However, when Kari joined the team, I felt I had to do everything I could so she would stay safe. And when she nearly died, I thought I failed my duty as a brother and guardian. For the first time since that soccer incident about three to four years earlier, I felt very scared; scared that I might never see Kari alive and healthy again. But when she got better from that fever, I never felt so relieved in my entire life. Afterwards, I knew it was time to put the past in the past and move on with my life.

This whole adventure made me realize all of my problems, and I can't help, but thank the entire Digital World for helping me become a much better person than what I once was. Sometimes, I fell into a pit of despair because I felt lost and confused, but I didn't care and I never will. This whole trek was completely worth it.

Thank you, Digital World, for helping me show off my true colors.

_

* * *

Like the new project that I have? Read and review so you can tell me about it. No flames, please. Bye now!_


	2. Matt Ishida

(Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon)

_**Thoughts of the Children, Ch. II: Matt Ishida**_

Whenever you see me walk around, I bet you thought that I looked cool and confident, but, for real, my life was nothing but hectic when I was younger. T.K. and I got separated because of a divorce, and Dad was just busy all day, all night. I'm not sure if he realized it, but because of all this, I just felt completely alone and cold.

Sometimes, it made me quite nervous whenever I go outside. And whenever I saw siblings and parents walking together, gossiping together, I just couldn't help, but feel very jealous inside.

Then, when my brother and I got to the Digital World along with five others, I acted like some jerk, trying to control what T.K. was doing. I'm not sure anybody would've believed me, but the reason behind all this was because I was terrified; terrified because I just wanted to keep T.K. safe and happy, even though my actions didn't show it.

And that gets me very frustrated, and sometimes when I fought Tai, it was just to vent the frustration out of me. At first, I thought it was good for me, but through it all, I was just acting stupid.

Later, when I separated myself from the team, I never realized that I was the one who was being selfish and pitiful, and Gabumon helped me recognize that and gave me the confidence to support my friends, family _and _my brother. Now, I plan on changing my past and grow up to become a better man than I've ever been.

My friends and this trip made me realize that. Thank you, everyone, for making me change to who I am today.

_Like it? Read and review. No flames, please. Bye now!_


	3. Sora Takenouchi

(Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon)

_**Thoughts of the Children, Ch. 3: Sora Takenouchi**_

When I was younger, Mom and I never got along, and I only got to see Dad once in a while. I'm not sure if anybody knew this, but it was this burden that allowed me to give way into soccer. It was not only because I had a hard head and athletic body, but because my family troubles just ate me so much, it was also a way to help me keep it out of my mind.

Then, when my friends and I got sucked into the DigiWorld, I couldn't help, but think what would happen if Mom and Dad found out that I was missing for quite a long time. Would they be angry, scared, or both? That was a question that always stuck in my head. Plus, it ate me physically and emotionally.

Also, I thought my parents, especially Mom, didn't love me, but from the way I acted to Biyomon and to T.K., it made me realize that my Mom and Dad really cared about me; they were only showing tough love. Perhaps, that was the reason why I received the Crest of Love in the first place. The ways they cared and loved me was possibly passed on to me. But my mind was so clouded over the _negative_ feelings I had for them, I just never saw it.

However, I was still having a tough time putting everything behind me, as well as wondering if my friends and I were able to survive this war. That was when I got into this form of depression. But, thanks to Matt and Joe, I felt much better, and with Biyomon acting as my mentor, it gave me even more confidence than I ever had when I was younger.

I sank into a deep hole when I first got to the DigiWorld, but Biyomon and the others helped me get out of it. I can't help, but thank them for this. You guys really helped me clear away the darkness in my heart.

Thank you, everyone, for helping me shine in the sky.

_Like it? Read and review. No flames, please. Bye now!_


	4. Izzy Izumi

(Disclaimer: I own the plot, but don't own Digimon)

_**Thoughts of the Children, Ch. IV: Izzy Izumi**_

Everyone thought that I was some kind of whiz kid who knows everything about computers, but they just didn't know me that well. I was really a lonely and depressed child who just did computers in order to get this self-doubt out of my big head. I didn't like it; I _hated _it with a passion. I sometimes hid it so well, _I _sometimes didn't know about it.

Then, during our trip in the DigiWorld, I realized that I was given an innate gift: the ability to use my intelligence in order to help others. Perhaps, that was why I got my Crest of Knowledge.

However, I almost threw it all away thanks to one of Vademon's dirty tricks, but when Tentomon nearly sacrificed himself to make me notice what I've done, I felt a ton of regret and I just wanted to make things right again. And my knowledge… and my curiosity helped me out of it. Also, it made me realize that not only Tentomon was my friend, but he was also like my brother.

However, I still had to get something off my chest, and that was to tell Mom and Dad that I knew that I wasn't biologically theirs. Once I did that, I felt so relieved and proud of myself. Now, I can perform on my knowledge on computers now knowing that I've achieved my greatest goal.

In my opinion, if it wasn't for this journey, I wouldn't have realized that I had this gift, and now, I'm going to share this gift to not only my friends and my family, but to everyone else around me. Prodigious!

_Like the quirks here? Read and Review. No flames, please. Bye now!_


	5. Mimi Tachikawa

(Disclaimer... I own the plot, but don't own Digimon)

* * *

_**Thoughts of the Children, Ch.5: Mimi Tachikawa**_

When I was a young girl, all I ever thought of was the mall, the air conditioner, or the nearest clothing shop. I always considered myself the "princess" of the entire household. Mama and Papa treated me with sweets, cakes, and fancy restaurants. It's what I always wanted.

Then, I got to the Digital World and met Tanemon. I acted like a spoiled child, and Tai and the others became very annoyed with me very quickly. Even though I never showed it, I never felt so scared in my life. I've always wondered when I would ever see my parents again. In other words, I only whined and cried because it was the best I can do to hide my _true _emotions.

However, that all spiraled downhill when we split up and, then, got to stay at the lap of luxury at the Gekomon palace. They gave me just about _everything _that I wanted, and my crest got corrupted.

When Tai, Joe, Agumon, and Gomamon arrived to pick me up a few "months" later, I got so comfortable in the palace that I felt very scared of leaving, and I bossed everyone around like there was no tomorrow. But when Sora came by and reasoned with me, I realized the errors of my ways and I quickly told myself that I _had_ to grow up and grow up fast!

As my adventures wore on and on, that was exactly what I did. I grew up and became very dedicated to my friends and family. Even though I sometimes whined, I tried not to. I just wanted to become a big and responsible girl.

And when my digimon, Togemon, digivolved to Lillymon, for the first time of my life, I felt very proud of myself, that I found who I truly was. Not some vain princess who just bossed around and whined and cried, but a happy, proud, and strong girl who showed truth and honor among the ones that I love and care for. As a result, my hard work paid off.

To Mama, Papa, Palmon, and my friends: thank you for showing me the light.

* * *

_Interesting, huh? Read and Review. No flames, please. Catch ya later!_


	6. Joe Kido

(Disclaimer... I own the plot, but I don't own Digimon)

_**Thoughts of the Children, Ch. VI: Joe Kido**_

You may think of me as some kind of coward, some guy who sucks my own thumb now and then. Some of that may be true, but I'm just very precautious. If I saw anything out of the ordinary, I just reacted on instinct.

That went into play in the Digital World when I embarrassed myself in front of my friends and Gomamon. However, later on, I knew I had to toughen up, so, I decided to climb up Infinity Mountain. It wasn't easy, but I knew I could do it… well, thanks to Tai and Sora's help.

On the other hand, when I found out that I had a responsibility to look after the others, I promised myself that I would do that. So, I underwent sort of a mental change, and became more serious and more daring. When my plan didn't go through to start with, I thought it was all for nothing, but when T.K. was on the verge of drowning, I used those tactics and saved him, even though I nearly lost my life in the process. Nevertheless, I was still proud of myself for what I did.

If it wasn't for this adventure… as well as Gomamon, I would've sunk lower and lower. I first came into the Digital World as some kind of worrywart, but now, I'm a brave and noble man. And I'm going to continue to progress as I get older. Thank you, my friends and Gomamon, for changing my life around.

_Like it? Read and Review. No flames, please. Bye now!_


	7. Hopeful Outcomes: TK Takaishi

_**Disclaimer:** Digimon is copyrighted by Akiyoshi Hongo and produced by Toei Animation, Disney, Saban, and TOKYOPOP. I only own the plot, and no profit will be made in any way.

* * *

_

**Thoughts of the Children**

**Hopeful Outcomes: T.K. Takaishi**

Loneliness: that was what I felt after Mom and Dad divorced. I always enjoyed having the family together. And I meant the _whole _family, from my brother, Matt, to my parents, to myself. We were one happy family together.

That was until the Highton View Terrence incident occurred. My brother and I watched the whole event occur, and I was eager on telling my mother about this. I was disappointed and sad that she did not believe me, because I felt she did not trust me.

It also turned out to be the day our family started falling apart.

After the incident, my father became very eager about the whole incident and wanted to know what exactly happened (since he never saw it for himself). That was why he agreed to work at the television station quite some distance from the household. Since then, he almost never made it home before by bedtime, and we all became very impatient and worried. No one was worried about it more than me, because I believed my mother was not going to take it anymore.

Six months after the incident, that was what happened. I was in Mom's custody, and Matt was with Dad. I felt very angry at the breakup. I told myself why did it have to be that way. It just made me very angry and depressed. Especially since both Matt and I tried the best we could just to keep the family together.

That was when my attitude changed. I became more a crybaby and a spoiled brat. I acted as if I wanted everything, and I felt whining would be the best solution to get what I want. However, there was more to my attitude change than just being greedy. I still could not get over the fact that my parents divorced, and my crying was a call for help.

Even so, I was still happy that Matt and I had special times together whenever he had the time to visit us. Seeing my big brother always made me feel happy, even though my father was missing from the group. I wondered if we would ever become one again.

Then, when my new friends and I traveled to the Digital World for the very first time, I felt very excited. Not only was it because I had Tokomon by my side, but also because Matt was forced to come along for the ride. Sure, he might have been strict and I hated that, but I knew that he was worried for my safety. However, the only thing that I was concerned with my brother was that he and Tai could get along!

During our early stages of our adventure, I started to feel very jealous of my friends because their digimon partners digivolved, but Patamon did not. Even though I was confident that he would reach to his potential, I also felt left out.

But when he digivolved to Angemon for the first time, I felt happy and safe. Plus, I wanted to prove that we were both capable of fighting and helping out like the others.

However, I felt like my heart was crushed when Angemon had died. Even with the others around, I felt very alone and cold; seeing that gave me chills down my spine. At first, I thought it was a nightmare, for I internally said to myself that I was dreaming that all this was happening. But after several moments, I knew it was true. Angemon was gone, and I felt hopeless.

But when I saw his egg, I felt relieved. It also turned my life around… sort of. I became very confident and hopeful. Perhaps that was why I received the Crest of Hope while battling Etemon, because I was capable of being confident and not becoming too cocky.

Unfortunately, all that hope inside of me slowly faded when we all became separated, especially after my fight with Tokomon. After our argument, I became extremely angry with him, mostly because I believed he was lying. He was supposed to be my partner, my friend. But when I found out that DemiDevimon set both Tokomon and I up, anger and regret took over me. I could not believe that I fell for that lie. I should have seen it, and I did not.

On the other hand, this experience taught me a very valuable lesson: I realized that despite my confidence, I was also very naïve. I had to be more open-minded on things. I had to trust my own instincts; allow my conscience to tell myself if this person was telling the truth or vice-versa. I just plainly believed DemiDevimon without giving my mind the opportunity to tell me he was fibbing.

Even so, there was still one thing that bugged me more than anything else: Matt treating me like a little child. Sure, I was small, but I wanted to be treated equally and not like some baby. It made me very upset that Matt would not allow me to prove myself that I was trying my hardest to grow up.

Still, it was a little upsetting to me that Matt went on his own… especially since he felt down and that he and Tai were brawling for supremacy. Even though I was encouraged to stay with Tai, Sora, and the others, I wanted to go with my brother. Unlike what they believed, I wanted to travel with him in order to cheer him up. But after knowing that I was unable to do that, I felt the only way for me to cheer him up was to do my best in battle so that he would be proud of me.

Perhaps that was what I did after Angemon digivolved to MagnaAngemon for the first time. Sure, Kari and I were falling to our near-deaths at the time, but I still believed that we were able to get through this obstacle somehow, and we did. It was a miracle, but we did it nevertheless. Also, even though Matt was a keychain, I could sense that he was proud of me, and I felt proud, too.

Afterwards, I became very confident with myself as I became fully aware of my surroundings. I always trusted my instincts before reacting to certain situations. Well, I might slip up once and a while, but I am not perfect, nobody is. Everyone will make a mistake once in a while.

That was what I found out three years after my _first _trip to the Digital world. I quickly got into a rivalry with Davis because he thought I was "stealing" Kari away from him. At first, I thought that he was just overreacting, but as time went on, I realized he was serious with his envy. It surprised me because he got all worked up for _nothing!_ Even though I told Kari I cared about her in the World of Darkness, I cared about her _as a friend._ I have _no _love interests with her. Besides, I was still too young to think of something like this!

And it was my first visit to the World of Darkness when my troubles _really_ began.

When I arrived at the entrance to the World of Darkness by the school, I felt mild chills down my spine. It made me cold and scared. Additionally, I had a faint mental picture in my head, a scene from about three years earlier. I couldn't depict it at first, but I realized it when we were at Ken's base. The moment I saw Devimon, the mental scene I saw at the beach clarified: it was the day when Angemon died.

Seeing that flashback made me enraged. Despite growing up, my ego was very fragile. Since then, I could not _stand_ the darkness; I _hated_ the darkness! Seeing the flashback led me to wanting to destroy Ken, and I went after him in a fight. I felt no regrets provoking the fight. It actually made me feel good inside, because I thought my actions told the darkness that I was there waiting for them.

Afterwards, my actions became uncharacteristic to the caring side that I usually showed. It especially showed after watching Davis and Veemon being chased by Tortomon. I was actually enjoying watching them being chased that mad digimon. While they literally ran into the hillside, I had a thought of them actually dying… and I enjoyed it.

After the incident, my obsession with destroying the darkness continued, even though I hid it very well. Unfortunately, it spilled after encountering BlackWarGreymon at the desert where the Destiny Stone rested. There, I vented my frustration on the darkness in front of everyone, and I wanted to destroy BlackWargreymon no matter what. I did not care if BlackWarGreymon had a heart full of gold; I wanted him dead.

But when Cody confronted him in the open a few days later, I had a lot of regret for my actions. I realized what I was thinking and how out of character I was during that time. From the moment I stepped foot into the Dark Ocean, to the fight with the Digimon Emperor, to my enjoyment with Davis's predicament, to my obsession with killing BlackWarGreymon, I felt a huge pain of regret. I wanted to keep the caring side that I was once a part of. I was losing that side that I grew up with, and I did not want that. Otherwise, I would stoop to the level of Myotismon or any bad digimon that we crossed paths with.

I first started remedying that when I bumped into Davis a couple of days after Cody confronted BlackWarGreymon. There, I apologized to him for my actions. To my surprise, he forgave me and put it behind him… even though his crush on Kari was still there. _This_ time, I did not really care, for the rivalry – if it can be called one – was finally over.

Afterwards, I became happy and relieved. For the first time in my life, I kissed someone beside my own mother! That was something that I did not think I would ever do… but I was actually glad that I did it.

Still, something was amiss, something that I wanted so badly that I would do anything to get: having my whole family become one again. I do not mean Mom and me. I meant Matt, Dad, Mom, and I living in one big house with no conflict, no problems, nothing. We would be a big happy family in one big household.

When I saw that on New Year's Eve, I was a muscle away from fainting. I thought my dream came true. We were all together at last.

But when Patamon made me realize it was all an illusion, it made me very angry, and I mean _angry._ It was fine to make me mad, but putting my _family_ involved was crossing… the… _line!_ MaloMyotismon was not going to get away with this, and I was going to make sure of that.

And I was glad we made sure he did not get away with it. MaloMyotismon deserved to die, bar none. And from my friends' expressions – I could not see it, but I could tell they were mad – they were going to see that MaloMyotismon would regret it, also.

Still, I knew one thing was not going away: the darkness. The darkness was going to remain. No matter how hard we could try to destroy it, it would come back and counterattack. However, unlike earlier in our adventure, I did not mind it being around. Like the talk with Azulongmon, when there was light, there was darkness. Without its polar opposite, there would be no equilibrium. I learned to tolerate its existence, and now, I can live on with my life, knowing that I cannot live with one without the other…

* * *

_I believe that there will be people who might view this as out of character. Because T.K. would never act this callous or cold. I know T.K. wouldn't act like that, but keep in mind that this follows the dub and that T.K. didn't act like he usually would during that specific arc. If it bothers you, my apologies for that.  
_

_Now, I'll conclude by saying that read and review if you enjoyed it. No flames please. Bye, now!_

_(Revised on 10/4/05; completely revised T.K.'s thoughts.) _


	8. Behind the Light: Kari Kamiya

_**Disclaimer:** Digimon is copyrighted by Akiyoshi Hongo and produced by Toei Animation, Disney, Saban, and TOKYOPOP. I only own the plot, and no profit will be made in any way._

* * *

**Thoughts of the Children**

**Behind the Light: Kari Kamiya**

I used to be a fragile child, one who used to be sick all the time. Whether it was in the cold winter or the hot summer, I was getting ill to no end. And when I got ill that summer several years ago, I wondered whether if I will ever get well, that I was destined to succumb to this continuous virus that has cursed my life from day one.

That was when these mysterious events happened. I did not know my friends were gone for several digi-months while I was caught with that _blasted virus_! However, when I got sick in the Digital World, I felt something in my head that gave me an inner-jump. It was this throbbing that I was so accustomed to, but it was not as strong or as painful as it once was. I am not sure why, but I assume it was all that exploring and trekking that did the trick. It made my blood flow and it made me internally stronger. Maybe that was how I got stronger and healthier as I matured to my preteens.

At least, I _thought _I did. Three years later, when we got back to the Digital World, I began to realize that the word "matured" can be really clichéd. When we were battling the Emperor, I began to play with Davis's emotions by paying more attention to T.K. and by ignoring Davis. It was fun at first, but then, these sudden turn of events occurred in which I have never experienced.

First, I was sucked into the World of Darkness, where it felt so cold that I felt even more than lonely. Then, a dark thought popped into my mind, but it was so vague, I could not pinpoint it specifically. Later did I know that I committed a serious crime when it came to friendship.

When T.K. and I were on that train trip to Colorado, the only thing I thought about besides finding Willis and defeating Kokomon was to make Davis jealous. I wanted to impress him just like what he wanted to impress me. I did not know why. Perhaps it was to get him back because his continuous flirtations were beginning to seriously annoy me inside.

Then, as we battled Arukenimon, when Yolei, Ken, and I got sucked into the World of Darkness, despite my brave and confident shell, I became very afraid and I had very dark and horrifying thoughts in my mind. The one that especially scared me was that I would lose my friends for making this cruel mistake and that I would be all alone.

Just like before, it was still a vague description, but when Yolei slapped me and gave me some words of encouragement, the thoughts hit me harder than a ton of bricks. I began to realize why I was sent into the World of Darkness: it was my petty selfishness of me thinking of making Davis jealous rather than concentrating fully on our enemies. I realized what I was doing and I knew I had to stop it before I did something so stupid, the bond could permanently break.

Afterwards, I grew up mentally and started thinking about what I would do in the future. I thought up as many jobs that I could think of, but they all did not suit me that well. But when I started think about becoming a teacher, I soon came to the realization that this was the perfect job for me. I liked being around children younger than I and had a desire to educate them so they could have a great life and career ahead of them.

There was more to me choosing for this job rather than just educating them, however. The other reason I chose this occupation was that I wanted to let the future generations know that one stupid mistake like the one I made could destroy friendships, families, or themselves. That almost happened to me, and I do not want that happen to them.

However, just as my old inner-conflict was over, a new one began. A few days after stepping into the Dark Ocean with Ken, Yolei, and the Digimon, a new conflict hit me. And this one was – in my opinion – bigger than any other fight I encountered in the past: I started to doubt whether it was necessary to be involved in this battle or not.

When I first entered this war between us DigiDestined and the Dark Masters, I felt both nervous and excited. I felt excited because I was going to see a whole new world, and I felt nervous because I had a shaky feeling that there was a form of evil stalking us.

Despite being involved in a battle, I did not understand anything about war and its consequences. But as I matured, my awareness improved and I understood the concept of war a lot more. Now, being involved in war made me very sick to my stomach. Every time we fought, I felt the urge to literally throw up. In other words, I became a pacifist.

After being involved in that battle with Daemon, I dreamt about what it would be like if there was no war, no arguments, and no fighting. That everyone would be happy and that everyone would get along. I felt very happy seeing that, and my pacifistic thoughts became firmer and stricter.

The next morning, I privately drew that same scene on an old sheet of paper I found in my portfolio. The moment I finished it, I vowed not to tell _anyone_ about my dream or my pacifistic thoughts. Not to my friends, my family, not even Gatomon. This was something that I wanted to keep for myself and myself _only._

A few days later, when I noticed that everyone was happy and that they were all friends with each other, I felt like my dream was fulfilled. I felt that I could look forward knowing that I accomplished the most important thing that I wanted: peace and harmony.

However, when Gatomon told me that what I witnessed was merely an illusion, I felt very angry because I felt like I was cheated out of what I really wanted. On the other hand, the illusion made me realize that war was inevitable sometimes. It made me realize that war was sometimes the only solution available. I did not want to think that, but I realized that this could be true.

But that was not all. The illusion also made me realize that if there was total peace, that no one could do wrong, that everyone got along so merrily like it was some fairytale, the world would be a boring place to be in. The world was beautiful and sacred, and just robbing everyone of what darkness was there would destroy every single reason why we lived.

Nowadays, whenever I look into the future, I think about my goals and try to accomplish them. While I will remain pacifistic (as I detest war to no end), I will now know that sometimes wars are both necessary and that there may be no choice but to fight for what was right.

I will also tell the future generations about my, no, _our _adventures in the Digital World and then tell them what choice they want to make. Whether the choice was right or wrong, that was something for _them _to decide…

* * *

_Before I do my usual author's notes, I like to say that I know war is a very sensitive topic. I also know that there are people out there who are seriously opposed to war. So if you believe that I'm targeting people who are opposed to war, I offer my sincere apologies to all those those who I offended. I had no intention on doing that whatsoever. __The only reason I wrote it was that I wanted to describe the reason why Kari saw herself in MaloMyotismon's illusion, and this was the only logical reason I thought of.__  
_

_Now I'll conclude by saying that if you liked the chapter, read and review to tell me about it. Please, no flames, and I'll see you next time! Once again, I apologize to everyone out there who I offended. Trust me, that's not my intention; I only wrote that down to describe Kari's potential thoughts regarding her illusion, and I wanted it to make sense. If I didn't care about people's opinions, I don't deserve to be here, simple as that.  
_

_(Revised on 7/25/05; added more content to Kari's thoughts. Once again, I'm very sorry to all those I offended in this chapter.)  
_


	9. Miraculous Minds: Davis Motomiya

_**Disclaimer:** Digimon is copyrighted by Akiyoshi Hongo and produced by Toei Animation, Disney, Saban, and TOKYOPOP. I only own the plot, and no profit will be made in any way._

* * *

**Thoughts of the Children**

**Miraculous Minds: Davis Motomiya**

I am not sure why I became this way. Either it was out of fun or if I was just born with it. When I was younger, I was a pretty hyper kid who never liked to be in one place for very long. However, I was not that strong; I was weak physically. Maybe that was the reason why I went into soccer. Many people said I did that because I considered Tai as my mentor, but it was not really the case. I did not even meet Tai when I started soccer. The real reason was that I felt bored and physically weak and I wanted to get stronger, so I found an activity and decided to try it out. I must say it was a pleasant experience.

A couple of days later, I saw a girl on the ground holding her left ankle; apparently sprained it while she was walking. I went to help her and when I saw her, she was a goddess. She looked beautiful, from her hair to her voice; she looked like an angel.

And when she told me her name, "Kari Kamiya," I became immediate friends with her, and slowly, I grew a crush on her, my very first crush. As a matter of fact, it was the day that I met Tai as well, for I helped her back to her house and that he opened the door when we arrived there.

Two years later, at our first day of school that year, I noticed T.K. coming along and that he and Kari started gossiping to each other. I do not know why I got so angry or why I mispronounced T.K.'s name. Perhaps it was out of envy. I began to feel jealous that I was not getting any attention unlike T.K. In other words, I just felt left out.

Then, when we all battled the Digimon Emperor, I actually started to forget that crush time after time, mostly because I was determined to defeat him and end his reign, but it was still there and I just could not stop thinking about it totally.

While we were all at his base fighting Kimeramon, I felt very confident that we could beat him, even though our digimon were getting ransacked mercilessly. Afterwards, I noticed that this monster froze and I knew this was the lone chance to beat him. However, when I saw T.K. and the others agreeing to fall back, I grew _very _disappointed in them, _especially _Kari. It was not the Kari that I was used to. Just like the others, she was no quitter, and I was very angry with them for just giving up like that.

I actually wanted to beat down their egos so badly, that they would actually grow scared of me and tell themselves not to quit that easily again, but I knew that was not the right thing to do. It would just hurt their feelings, and I am not one to do that. I may be headstrong, but I would _never _do something that ludicrous.

Several days later, when I saw Ken actually _help _us defeat Thundermon, I began to wonder if Ken was not actually that bad of a person. I tried to convince my friends as quickly as possible, but it just did not seem the case. From my standpoint, Ken was just lonely and sad and needed a friend. Plus, he was helping us now and then. Maybe that was why I forgave him so quickly. I knew he would be a very good friend to have, and I have to say that he was one of the greatest friends I ever had.

However, despite all this, I was still thinking about Kari and wondered what it will be like if I had her by my side, that she would be my girlfriend. Two days before we battled MaloMyotismon, I had a dream like that, and found out it was not a very good one. She might not be happy and that I was forcing her. She needed her freedom just like I needed mine.

The night after my nightmare, before I went to sleep, I talked with Veemon about our personal crushes. Veemon had a crush on Gatomon just like I had a crush on Kari. However, Veemon told me that after the blunder with Tortomon, he realized that he did not really need Gatomon as his mate to be happy. He knew he was happy without her, and he told me that I did not really need Kari as a wife to be happy with my life, that it was possible to have a good life without her.

After hearing his speech, I decided to think about it and told myself if I was happy that Kari was not my girlfriend. And as a matter of fact, to my greatest surprise, I _was _happy. I did not really need Kari as a girlfriend to be happy, and I _certainly_ did not need Kari as a wife to be happy. Amazing to figure all this out that quickly after fixating myself onto her for three long years.

This realization also told me this: I had to quit being stubborn and move on, forgetting about my selfish needs. I have future goals, and I wanted to keep them. The crush was actually tampering with my future, and I did not want that to happen. I had to get rid of it and get rid of it now...

The next morning, when I woke up, I actually forgot about my crush. For real, I never experienced this feeling before, and this tingle actually felt very good. In my opinion, it made me feel very happy and very whole of myself; my life felt completed at last.

Maybe that was why MaloMyotismon's mental illusion attack did not affect me unlike the others. I was happy for whom I was and that I did not need a crush to feel happy. I still love Kari, no question about that, but I love her as friend and _only _a friend. And that will not change whatsoever.

The concurrent events also told me this: I was not really a stubborn kid who felt that I needed a woman to be happy, but a kid who was noble, graceful, courageous, and proud. I am someone who is also happy for others as well as for myself.

And that's who I, Davis Motomiya, _really_ am…

* * *

_Before I do my occasional author's note, I want to say this and I want to say this very clearly..._

_I'm getting **REALLY **tired of seeing Davis-bashing and that many people misunderstand his true character, saying he's an obsessive jerk who can't stop thinking about Kari. The thing is that he's **NOT **obsessive. He's a good kid with a positive attitude. He may be headstrong and __naïve, but he's a good kid and he's very noble and trustworthy. Plus, he's someone you can have as a friend and someone who'll give you guidance and comfort. And that's who Davis really is._

_And just like J.P. of "Frontier" and Ryo & Kazu of "Tamers," he's a very misunderstood character.

* * *

Sorry about the rant. I just needed to get that out of my system and figured this was the perfect time to do so. Read and review once you can. No flames please and I'll catch ya later!_


	10. Temperamental Calmness: Yolei Inoue

_**Disclaimer:** Digimon is copyrighted by Akiyoshi Hongo and produced by Toei Animation, Disney, Saban, and TOKYOPOP. I only own the plot, and no profit will be made in any way._

* * *

**Thoughts of the Children**

**Temperamental Calmness: Yolei Inoue**

I am not sure why I had this temper. It might have been the teenage swoon or possibly out of puberty. Whatever the reason could be, I might never actually know why since we came from a mild-mannered family. Before then, I was just a happy-go-lucky child with a strong personality and a huge imagination. Then, when I was ten years old, some rude kid bumped into me and I inexplicably cussed out at him. Thank heavens other people were around. Otherwise, he would've beaten the stuffing out of me.

I was not really good at making friends, either. And I think I know why, too: It was that _stupid _temper that I carried around all the time. For real, I was very surprised that I became Cody's friend. When I saw him in the school cafeteria, he looked very depressed and disoriented. I felt very sorry for him, and I came by to comfort him. Since then, we walked to school together and we had a lot of talks together. It was like we had a close bondage that was never going to be broken.

About six months after we met, a little past my twelfth birthday, Cody and I ran into T.K. and we became friends with him. I was amazing that happened. I didn't know if I was ever going to make friends, let alone make _one.  
_

Then, as we battled the Digimon Emperor, when I heard about Ken on the news, I began to feel so jealous that I wanted to thrash the computer and beat it up with a baseball bat… if I had one that is. However, I began to slowly fall head over heels for him. Many people thought that I fell in love with him just because he was famous, but I actually fell in love with him. Then, when I heard he was the Digimon Emperor, I not only became depressed, but betrayed, as well. I even told myself the next time I was face to face with him, I would smash his face until he was all battered and bloodied.

But after the battle with Dokugumon, I felt very guilty about my actions, because it was my temper that got Hawkmon badly injured. Even though Hawkmon said to me it was not really my fault, I could not help but disagree. Of all the things I had done, from my temper to my irrationality, I never felt so guilty than what I felt that day. Afterwards, I told myself that I _had_ to control my temper; I just had to. Otherwise, the consequences could be much worse than after what happened that day.

When Ken, Kari, and I were in the World of Darkness, my mind was filled with so many dark things, especially the recklessness from where the Emperor's base was originally. That really made my heart sink. Then, when Kari's mind was being tampered by the darkness, I wanted to snap her out of it, but when everything I thought of didn't work, I lost my temper and whacked her in the face. Even though I was bold with her, I panicked inside. I thought that I was being very irrational giving her that slap, but it actually helped our friendship. It was us like we became siblings after that incident.

Yes, siblings, something that I was never comfortable with. Mantarou, Momoe, Chizuru, and I never really did anything together. I always thought differently than them, mostly because they were older and becoming adults. Plus, we never really got along that well, and that made me feel lonely and depressed. Plus, I always thought my parents paid more attention to them than to me. That made me think what it would be like if I was an only child, that I didn't have any siblings to pester me every single day.

When I suddenly saw myself on the table with everything for me, I felt very elated. I finally felt like justice was served. Then, when Hawkmon told me that it was only MaloMyotismon's illusion, I felt very angry. Not only at MaloMyotismon for tricking me, but also at myself. I couldn't believe that I was being so selfish, that I thought of something as cruel as that. Albeit my confident outside, I felt very disappointed in myself inside; I wanted to cry for thinking about the cruelty that I committed.

The night after MaloMyotismon was defeated, I told myself before I went to bed that I was extremely lucky to have at least one sibling, let alone three: two sisters and one brother. Not many families were lucky to have one child. In addition, it was really cool to have someone you can look after if you felt scared or lonely sometimes. Afterwards, I took this into consideration and thought about it for the rest of the night.

When I woke up the following day, I told myself that I should cherish this gift, and that's exactly what I'll do. I have my friends, my family, and Hawkmon to love. I was very lucky to have them and that I shouldn't throw them away like it was all for nothing. If I had friends and thought about something as selfish as the one I had in my illusion, what was the whole point of having anyone to care for in the first place?

That was when I made a commitment to myself, and it will be one that I will firmly commit to until the day I die. I promised to myself that I will cherish all the memories of the ones that I love and care for. And it's not only the memories in the past, but the ones in the present and in the future, as well. And I believe, no, I _know_ that all these memories will surely last a lifetime…

* * *

_You like it? Read and review to tell me about it. No flames, please. Catch ya later!_  



	11. In Front of the Kendo: Cody Hida

_**Disclaimer:** Digimon is copyrighted by Akiyoshi Hongo and produced by Toei Animation, Disney, Saban, and TOKYOPOP. I only own the plot, and no profit will be made in any way.__

* * *

_

**Thoughts of the Children**

**In Front of the Kendo: Cody Hida**

I was usually a very happy kid, one who was persistent and excited. I always loved to learn new things and experiment them to see if I liked them or not. I never enjoyed loneliness or discomfort; it always made me depressed and somewhat scared. I never enjoyed that.

Then, when I was around seven-and-a-half years old, my heart became shattered and buried with darkness, a darkness that I started to sink into. When Mom told me the news that my father was shot and killed, I became very heartbroken and very depressed. I never felt so sad or so angry in my life. As I lied in bed the first day without my father, I told to myself, "Dad, how can you leave me?", and I wept myself to sleep.

As time went by, I became lonely, quiet, and depressed. I never did the things that I once did when I was a very happy child, and it affected my mom, too, even though it was more subtle and more subdued than my reaction.

However, she was known as a very dedicated woman, and couldn't love her more than anything. Plus, she never thinks for herself and was very concerned about me more than her own well-being. To help me get over my time of mourning, she came to my side and told me that she had found a solution to help me put this tragedy behind me: kendo practice. And the following day, she took me to Grandpa's gym and signed up for a private practice once a week. I wasn't so sure about doing it, but I started to feel a bit of relief that my past was about to be put behind me.

The practice did help me… a little bit. It allowed me to vent all that frustration out of me, but I still felt that dark cloud float over my head; I felt lost, confused, and cold. That was when I met Yolei in the school cafeteria. We had a talk and we became instant friends. That was the beginning of the healing process for me, even though I still had very disturbing flashbacks now and then.

Several months later, after we beat the Digimon Emperor, I couldn't help but detest Ken. My friends thought it was because of his cruelty to the defenseless digimon, but they were only half-right. The other was because his attitude resembled a bully that I frequently encountered just after my father passed away. He looked like that bully in every single way, all except the voice and notoriety. His infamy at the time was extremely larger than Ken's mysterious disappearance. And it just made me feel very sick to think about that.

When Ken arrived to the Punimon village and destroyed Thundermon, I was thankful that he saved me, but I felt even angrier than ever, mainly because he killed a digimon. He committed _murder! _And that made me pity him, because the next time I was a few feet from him, I wanted to beat him up so badly that he wouldn't be able to leave the Digital World alive. That was how angry I was.

But after T.K. started to realize a connection between the Golemon and the Thundermon, saying that the Thundermon was a Control Spire digimon just like what Golemon was, I felt a sharp pain of deep regret for thinking about killing him. It also made me realize that if I tried to do what I thought, I would be no better than the Digimon Emperor or that bully themselves, if not, worse.

Maybe that was why I was able to see through BlackWarGreymon's cold, hard shell. I could tell that there was some struggle of emotions inside him. From what I saw, BlackWarGreymon had an alter ego of some kind. One personality is a cold, ruthless digimon who would destroy everything in his path, while the other is kind, but very confused. It was like he was a zombie in his own mind.

That day when BlackWarGreymon got struck by that dark force that surrounded Oikawa, and then died shortly thereafter, I felt sad for him, yet I felt happy for him, too. I'm not sure why I felt happy for him, maybe it was because he showed he had a heart and that he was capable of caring for others. Plus, I feel like I'm indebted to him, for he sacrificed his own life to save Grandpa.

Finally, when we all found out why Oikawa was manipulated like the way he was, then died just before he had the chance to step into the Digital World, I couldn't help, but grieve for him, not only because he wasted his life away by giving up his soul to MaloMyotismon, but also because he was never able to fulfill his opportunity to do what he wanted to do.

When I got home after beating MaloMyotismon, I told myself that from now on, every time I enter the Digital World, they will be dedicated to not only my father, but also Oikawa, knowing that their spirits will guide my family towards the imminent future. And I know that their memories and inspirations will guide me, too…

* * *

_Like it? Read and review to tell me about it. No flames, please, and I'll catch ya later!_


	12. Forgiven Controller: Ken Ichijouji

_**Disclaimer:** Digimon is copyrighted by Akiyoshi Hongo and produced by Toei Animation, Disney, Saban, and TOKYOPOP. I only own the plot, and no profit will be made in any way._

* * *

**Thoughts of the Children**

**Forgiven Controller: Ken Ichijouji**

Jealousy, coldness, and rage: that was what I felt whenever I was around Sam or whenever that name was mentioned when I was younger. Even though I idolized my older brother, I was severely jealous of him. The reason was because he was getting all of the attention that I wanted. Whether it was school, computer, or my parents, he got all the attention, and I was one in the shadows. He had everything that I desired, and I wanted that for myself.

But when that digivice came out from the computer and, in a way, signaled me and not Sam, I felt like I was able to do something that my brother could not do. And when I got sucked into the Digital World and met Wormmon and someone else, I felt something that I never felt before: comfort. I never had a lot of comfort from my brother or my parents, so this was very new to me.

Still, I loved my parents and my brother. I considered them my mentors; they helped me grow and learn despite their busy schedules. Albeit my subtle jealousy of Sam, I felt glad that he was my brother. He helped me with several techniques like chess, blowing bubbles, and computers. In other words, he helped me get mentally stronger.

But after getting slapped on the wrist, I felt extreme hatred towards him, and I got even more miffed when Mom and Dad actually _defended _him. I never felt so angry in my life. I thought that my parents betrayed me. The ones that I loved turned their backs on me. I felt very lonely and very angry. I never felt this feeling of anger and hostility towards them. It also drove me to the brink of vengeance and insanity.

But that feeling became very mixed when I watched my brother die on the street. I still felt that hatred inside me, but sadness and regret also controlled me. I became so guilty of not only my actions, but also the thoughts of isolating myself from the ones I loved and cared for.

About one year later, when I played on Sam's computer for the very first time since that tragic accident, I felt very nervous and very scared. I sometimes felt that someone was watching me, like the computer or his room itself was paying very close attention to every syllable, every step, and every blink I make.

Even when I traveled into the World of Darkness for the first time, I felt that same disturbing feeling. I had a gut-wrenching feeling that I was being spied on, that it was _telling _me things that I believe no one heard. What I felt was that they were telling me to put my digivice into the Dark Ocean, like they were forcing my hand into the chilly water.

And that water gave me so many shivers down my spine. My nerves twitched in numbness and my body felt cold.

Afterwards, I did not know what I did. I became the Digimon Emperor, enslaved hundreds of digimon, and even battled the DigiDestined. My conscience was telling me to stop all my cruel actions, but that nerve-biting sensation on the back of my neck was filling my conscience with total darkness. When I saw the DigiDestined as the Emperor, I thought of several people coming down upon me, and I felt that I had to destroy them, in order to free my past and my soul.

When I battled the DigiDestined in that desert – the area where I sent Kimeramon out to seize them – my brain and neck jolted in numbness and when I heard that bone-chilling voice coming from not only the base, but also from my brain, I became very scared, even more scared than when I attended Sam's funeral.

My mind seemed to conquer my soul after Kimeramon's defeat and when it – along with the DigiDestined – told me about the crimes I committed, I wanted to bury myself a grave for me to crawl in. That way, I could put myself in an everlasting coma, hoping that one day, I would wake up from an unrelenting nightmare.

It was not the case, though. I really committed these cruel acts. I felt this feeling of dread of sorrow internally, especially after Wormmon's "death." Instead of walking into a grave, I wanted to jump off a cliff and kill myself, so that I would not have to feel all this anguish and sorrow inside me.

After getting that long sleep, I felt that there was a chance that I could possibly make up for my sins. That was the main reason why I tried to find Wormmon; to tell him that I felt very terrible of what I did to him and wanted a second chance. When the Crest of Kindness illuminated, I felt very relieved: My first two tasks of putting everything behind me were completed.

But I wondered about the DigiDestined and the rest of the Digital World. I was wondering if they were that willing to forgive me. I guessed that it would not be the case, especially with Stingmon killing a digimon.

Maybe that was why I was shell-shocked when Davis asked me to join the group. I could not believe that of all the terrible things I caused that Davis was that willing to forgive me. I also told myself why he would do that, since the others not as willing to put it behind them, at least not for the time being.

But there was something else that gave me not only bliss, but chills: the capability of having at least one friend. I felt that because of what I did, being a friend of someone was not very deserving. I felt like I should stay in exile from the team and the rest of the DigiDestined.

But the subsequent DNA Digivolution of Stingmon and ExVeemon made me _really _confused. I wondered if going out, knocking down the Control Spires and defeating Arukenimon on my own was the right thing to do after all. After a few more battles, I became very relieved that I actually became friends with the others. I became very happy and comfortable rather than cold and lonely. Even with Wormmon around, it still felt very lonely in that cold room of mine.

And it gave me an even bigger relief when I laughed at my Christmas party. For the first time in almost a year, I became very cheerful and I had even happier thoughts. It felt like a dream was coming true and my soul would finally be free.

But after going around the world to send the wild digimon back to the Digital World, dark thoughts popped back into my mind again. I felt the same tingling sensation on the back of my neck like when I was the Digimon Emperor. I was not sure why it occurred so suddenly, but I felt that it was an omen to something really drastic in the upcoming future.

And was my theory right when Daemon arrived and Oikawa, Arukenimon, and Mummymon took me away in that blasted truck. When Oikawa revealed that it was the Dark Spore that caused all my crimes as the Digimon Emperor, my memory clicked back specifically to what, when, and how I started feeling this shiver on the back of my neck. I felt not only foolish for constantly beating myself down after my soul was freed from the Dark Spore's control, I felt angry, angry that I was swindled by Oikawa and his henchmen to do their dirty work. It was the first time since the day Sam slapped my hand that I became that angry.

I also became angry because they lured the poor children into their trap because they wanted to be like me: a genius and an intelligent child. But after realizing that Oikawa purposely left out the consequence of having the Dark Spore being injected inside them, I just felt nothing, but pure hatred for Oikawa.

When Davis, the others and I battled Daemon, Daemon's voice made me realize something. When I was the Emperor, I heard that same voice when I was threatened to be sent to the Dark Ocean. I realized that it was Daemon who threatened me, and that led me into wanting to destroy him. But when every option failed, I knew there was only one place where he could never hurt me again: the World of Darkness. That was when everyone gave me confidence that I could free myself from their control and rid myself of the guilt that was buried inside my heart for eons.

Still, after we forced Daemon back to the World of Darkness, my soul was still clinging to the darkness and for controlling my heart and soul. Maybe that was why I thought of being tied up on that pole, receiving every single blow of the digimon that I abused as the Digimon Emperor, but when I found out that it was illusion, I told myself I could not let the darkness beat down my heart, soul, and ego.

Afterwards, I gained a lot of confidence and the Dark Spore's effectiveness was no longer working. The night after MaloMyotismon was defeated, I looked at the back of my neck through a mirror, and I realized that the bar code on the back of my neck was no longer there. My soul was finally free and I was finally able to move on with my life.

The following morning, unbeknownst to my parents, I went to Sam's gravesite and touched it, letting him know that I was thanking him for everything that he taught me when he was alive. I also have a feeling that, when the time was right, I will have the opportunity to see him again someday…

* * *

_This was actually a rewrite of what I wrote of Ken's thoughts previously. I actually had the chapter finished, but it seemed quite flat and long-winded, so I revised the whole thing to give the chapter more depth.  
_

_That's all I'll say now, other than read and review once you can. No flames, please, and I catch ya later! _


	13. Apocolyptic Shadows: Willis

_**Disclaimer:** Digimon is copyrighted by Akiyoshi Hongo and produced by Toei Animation, Disney, Saban, and TOKYOPOP. I only own the plot, and no profit will be made in any way.__

* * *

_

**Thoughts of the Children**

**Apocolyptic Shadows: ****Willis**

Everyone outside my family thought my life was a very happy one. I had just about everything that a kid was supposed to have: a nice home, the beautiful countryside, and most of all, a loving mother. I was supposed to be happy with all of that. Unfortunately, that was not the case; my life was quite a sad one.

Despite having a mother and a life that was supposed to be suitable for me, I really isolated myself from the outside world, and the cause was reasonable. It all started with my father dying when I was around four years old. I could hear that flashback echoing in the back of my head, the one about hearing that answering machine notifying my mother and me that my father had been killed. The news killed me more than it killed Mom. I couldn't hold back the tears, and I cried for the first time that I remembered.

The tragedy followed with depression, a form of depression that I believed would curse me for all eternity. I felt that I would never be able to put the tragic event behind me. That was how deep my period of solemnity was.

Then, around the time of the Highton View Terrence incident, a Digi-egg and a digivice popped out of my computer, and the egg eventually hatched and out popped twin digimon: Kokomon and Gummymon. I felt very joyous at first, but I then wondered what would happen if my mother found out about it. I was quite surprised to see my mother standing right by the doorway while the digimon were ready to hatch. As reluctant as she was, I sighed in relief when she allowed me to keep them.

It was such a joy in my life with Terriermon and Kokomon always around me. I had someone to talk to other than my mother, and I had a lot of fun taking care of them. I nurtured them and watched them become smarter and stronger. I felt very proud of myself for being able to have friends and take the responsibility of taking care of them.

It was not only my digimon that matured; I matured, too. The past that haunted me was starting to disappear, and that "curse" that had stalked me since my father's death was slowly dissipating. I felt like I would be able to do anything and I mean anything.

That was when things went downhill for me. I became overconfident, and I wondered what it would like if I created a digimon of my own. Wanting to experiment this idea, I used a special program in my hard drive and created a virtual digi-egg. But when I flashed my digivice on that egg, the Digi-Egg got corrupted and threatened the whole world. I became very ashamed of myself because I felt that it was my fault, that I was being greedy and selfish. I wanted to create it for _myself, _and I never thought of the potential consequences if my own creation would go awry. And when the virus infected Kokomon, I felt even guilier because I felt it was my own fault for causing this chain reaction. The thought of it made me physically numb. I wondered if I would ever be able to forgive myself for what I caused.

Four years later, when I showed up in New York that summer morning, I encountered Kokomon – as the viral form of Endigomon – for the first time since that incident. I felt that I had my chance to redeem myself for my past deeds, and watching that encounter made me feel nervous. While one side of me felt very tense, my other side felt heartbroken, for I was forced to watch my digimon battle each. However, due to the corruption, I knew it was inevitable.

When I heard Kokomon's confusing phrases, I first thought they meant that I was supposed to return to Colorado, so I was going to return to Colorado to see what would happen next. Unfortunately, bad luck would hit me when we got thrown out of that train… all because the conductor heard us gossip on how to beat the virus that corrupted Kokomon!

When Davis, Yolei, and Cody arrived, not only did I feel relieved, but I felt confused as to _why_ they showed up. However, I soon understood when I noticed the digimon that were traveling with them. While on the trip to Colorado, I actually wondered why they were able to keep up with Davis's hyperactivity. At first, I thought it was because he was anxious to battle Kokomon, but after he told me abot his crush on Kari and how talkative he was about it, I could not help but wonder if there was more than waiting for Kokomon to show up as his prime reason for his anxiousness.

When Kokomon showed up in that Colorado canyon, I knew that this was my last chance to get him return to normal. I felt that I would regret it one day, but I wanted to defeat that virus so badly, that I was willing to risk everything that I had. That time, I was not going to hold back the floodgates.

When Kokomon – as a viral Kerpymon – cast some sort of spell on all of us, making us all infants rather than adolescents, I became really bewildered. At first, I wondered to myself why he would do something like that. But after a few minutes, I realized that his spell was more of a flashback and quickly realized what Kerpymon's riddles meant.

When I saw Rapidmon and Magnamon dive into Kokomon's mouth, I wondered that they were willing to sacrifice themselves in order to defeat the virus. I first thought that they they would going to be okay, that they would come out of the predicament alive. But when Kokomon's body deteriorated into the wind and that Terrier was nowhere to be found, I just wanted to break down a lot more than what I had at the moment. Fortunately, relief escaped my system when Terriermon floated to my arms and that Davis said digimon never really die.

Still, despite knowing that Kokomon was going to be reborn, I wondered when that was going to happen. Would it be the next day, next week, two months, ten years, or after I die? The back of my mind thought about that while Terriermon and I traveled all the way to the phone booth along the shoreline.

Then, when I heard Kokomon's echo from his Digi-egg, I just wanted to kiss the ground and joyously yell at the top of my lungs. That was how happy I was.

My life started out hectic, it then bettered when the digimon entered my life. My life again went downhill after inadvertently corrupting Kokomon, but it returned to joy when Kokomon was revived. Knowing that my quest was over, I could finally put the past behind me.

Now that my old mission was over, it was time for me to start a new mission; to start fresh and think about what I would do in the future. However, unlike last time, I will be more cautious when it comes to the potential consequences. And unlike last time, I will think a little longer if the results would be devastating if my ideas would suddenly go wrong…

* * *

_Did you__ like the chapter? If you did, read and review to tell me about it. No flames, please, and I'll see you next time!_


	14. Rosy Crushes: Rosa

_**Disclaimer:** Digimon is copyrighted by Akiyoshi Hongo and produced by Toei Animation, Disney, Saban, and TOKYOPOP. I only own the plot, and no profit will be made in any way.__

* * *

_

_**Author's Note: **For all those who were/are confused regarding Willis's thoughts, read my explanation in the review column. Hopefully, that will clear everything up. Now that everything's been taking care of, on to the story._

* * *

**Thoughts of the Children**

**Rosy Crushes: Rosa**

A friend: that was something I yearned and hoped for. I was mostly alone, forgotten in my household. My parents were always busy, and my brother was always at school. In other words, I was lost in a cocoon with no one to be around. It left me in dread, depression, and sadness. I was in serious need for someone to talk to and comfort me.

Then about one and a half years after the Apocalymon incident, a Digi-Egg appeared from the bottom of a low-level pond. I did not have a clue what the thing was actually. In addition, it had some weird gadget attached to it. At first, I thought it was kind of toy or a kind of fossil, but I do not think that a fossil would have some form of alien device attached to it as if it was some umbilical cord.

To look at it more closely, I carried it to my home (no one was there, at the time) and cleaned it off. When I left the bathroom to grab a towel, I heard some odd noise and when I returned, there was some wiggly creature called Guijarromon in the tub. I wondered why he showed up and who belonged to it. When the digivice flickered at my touch, he said that I was his friend and partner. I felt excited and happy, knowing that I not only had a long-awaited friend, but that I had someone around me to talk to.

Afterwards, I nurtured him by giving him food and water. Due to the fact that he was a living thing, he needed nutrients to survive. Otherwise, he would die. Two weeks later, I noticed that Guijarromon digivolved into a new form called Cobblemon. I became happy that my new friend was healthy and growing, but I wondered what would happen if my family found out about my secret.

That all occurred one month later when the digimon called Mephistomon attacked Mexico City. I felt very worried because I do not know who was going to save the city. Then, out of nowhere, Cobblemon digivolved to Gotsumon and then to Monochromon. Afterwards, I saw him help three other unknown kids defeat the bad digimon… for the time being. I later asked him why he digivolved, and he responded by saying that I was worried for everyone in the city, encouraging him to fight. I felt very surprised because he dedicated himself to me because he was worried about me, but I also felt very proud of him.

That was when I realized that my parents found out about the digimon. Unfortunately, they did not like the digimon, calling him a freak and evicted him from the household. I felt so angry at my parents for treating Gotsumon like he was some freak or stalker. I kept telling them that he was my friend, but they still would not listen. Angry and betrayed, I ran back to my room and let my tears run down my face.

That night, I started to miss my friend and wondered if he was okay. Plus, I wanted to find him and find him badly. Therefore, I left the house to search for him, and I promised myself that I would bring him back, whether my parents liked it or not.

About an hour later, I grew very worrisome because I began to wonder if my friend was never going to come back. When I reached the sidewalk, I just collapsed and began crying again. That was when my brother Manny showed up with Gotsumon behind him. I felt very elated and grateful that my brother helped me and I could not help, but thank him for that. And I felt more relieved that my parents wanted to apologize for their hasty actions. Even though I still felt very angry at them for what they committed, I had a tiny feeling that they were scared and wanted me to be safe. I might be very young, but I believe I can take care of myself… if I ever have to. Besides, with Gotsumon beside me, I knew that I could always count on him to do the job.

Afterwards, everything in the household went back to normal; we all got along and everything went back to normal. I felt very relieved that it was all over with. Well… it was all back to normal except Gotsumon hid from my mommy and daddy all the time. Apparently, he was still afraid of them, and I could not help, but smile at that. So strong, yet afraid; I enjoyed that about him. I know he will get over it one day, but I am glad he had enough courage to be with Manny and me whenever he had the chance to do so.

It was all peaceful at the household until that December night when I heard a mysterious voice saying that some of the Odaiba DigiDestined were coming to Mexico City to help rescue all the stray digimon out in the city. I became very excited hearing the news; I was getting very bored lately, and I was dying for some action.

When I bumped into Ken and Matt that night, I do not know what happened, but I just could not help but internally squeal at how cute Ken looked. What happened next was something beyond my control. I repeatedly asked him some questions, like was he single, or something like that. I do not understand why I asked him this. Perhaps it was because my hormones kicked in or that I was in a helpless desire for attention. Well, whatever the reason might be, I made his partner Wormmon jealous, much to my surprise. Even though I teased Wormmon just to joke around, I pretty much hated doing that.

In fact, I was not that totally disappointed that Ken left Mexico. I am not quite sure why, but I believe it was because that I know Ken would be a good friend to me and that was that. Heck, I am _way _too young to be in a romantic relationship, let alone dating. I do not even know the concept of it right now.

Maybe when I look ahead, I will understand the concept of friendship a lot more, as well as having the comprehension of knowing how a romantic relationship worked. I might be young, but I know I have a bright future ahead of me; and _nothing_ will block my goal of making me Ken's wife – just kidding!

* * *

_What do you think about the chapter? Read and review to tell me your thoughts. No flames please, and I'll see you next time._

_As an after-message, I'll give every one of you the explanation to why Rosa's thoughts are like this soon._

_Oh, to all those who are curious, Michael's thoughts are next..._


	15. Blond Determination: Michael Washington

_**Disclaimer:** Digimon is copyrighted by Akiyoshi Hongo and produced by Toei Animation, Disney, Saban, and TOKYOPOP. I only own the plot, and no profit will be made in any way.__

* * *

**Author's Note:** Some of you might view Michael as out-of-character here, but we don't really know how Michael acted when he was a pre-teen, so keep that in mind. Now, on to the story.

* * *

_

**Thoughts of the Children**

**Blond Determination: Michael Washington  
**

Self-centered: that was how I acted when I was younger. Everyone told me today that I was caring, compassionate, and unselfish. I was nowhere _near_ modest during my younger years. I was spoiled, selfish, picky, and immature. Whenever they were not going to give me what I wanted, I threw a temper tantrum and would not stop until I got it.

But when I was around ten years old, everything about me was about to change.

I had a good sleep that night in March, dreaming of being around money, gold, and presents. They were all for me, and no one else was going to have it. But when I woke up, I noticed a huge pink-and-white striped Digi-Egg wrapped in my arms. I wondered what it was and yelled for the butler, telling him to try to hatch it. However, the moment he tried to lift it, it would not budge. Moreover, it felt very thick and hard, according to the butler. However, when I lifted it, I picked it up with ease.

That made very confused. I wondered how I was able to lift the humongous egg when he or anyone else could not. After some pondering (something that I rarely did at the time), I decided to wait it out until it hatched.

Later that night, my patience paid off when a small digimon, called Amoebamon, replaced the egg. The look from him got me so grossed out I immediately yelled for the butler to throw him out. Unfortunately, the butler was sleeping, so nothing was done. I thought how was I was supposed to walk, live, and eat with a creature that looks like he was born on another planet. The thought of it at the time made me both very uncomfortable… and queasy; it made want to throw up.

As time went by, however, my friendship with Amoebamon mildly grew. I also started to not become so spoiled and whiny, even though some remnants of that remained. During our little… friendship, I started to wonder what it would be like if I had more friends. Amoebamon was my first friend, and I wondered what it would be like if I had other friends, too. Also, I began to wonder about my past deeds, from being a spoiled brat to being selfish and insensitive.

I thought about that one July night – only four months after retrieving the Digi-Egg – when a glow occurred from inside my pocket. When I dug the glow out, a digivice was in my hands (I did not know that at the time). I wondered what it was, what it did, and where it came from. One of my questions was subsequently answered when Amoebamon became Algaemon. His new form would not last too long, however, when he suddenly changed to Betamon.

Seeing him changing forms literally amazed me. I had no idea that _anyone_ could change like that, especially with just a short period of time… if I could call it that way, but it also led me into confusion. I wondered why he changed and how it triggered it. Betamon told me about the digivice as well as the digivolution process. His explanation was somewhat confusing, but I was able to partially understand what he was saying. He even told me the reasons why he digivolved was because of my curiosity, interest in making friends, and consideration of completely changing my ways.

Hearing what he said not only floored me, but for some reason, also embarrassed me. But after shaking my blush off, I wondered why Betamon realized what I was thinking. One thought of mine was that he might be telepathic. Betamon, ironically, heard that, as well, but he did say that the reason for him reading my thoughts was that I was his partner and friend. In addition, with that special bond, he could detect a thought from me in a heartbeat. The word "partner" confused me greatly. He might be my friend, but why was he also my "partner"?

I would get my answer sooner than expected.

Three weeks later – during the first week of August – an echoing roar shook me out of bed and onto the floor. The sudden loud sound made my body ache and my head throb. Despite wanting to relax in my bed, I wondered what the sudden roaring was and where it came from. So, Betamon and I ran to the roof and noticed a digimon called Gorillamon patrolling the streets, terrifying all the humans in his sight.

Seeing the sight made me feel very frightened. I wanted to hide under the blankets and close my eyes, hoping that it would be all a dream and it would go away the moment I reopened my eyes. Despite being a frivolous idea, I went with it as I went back to my room, climbed onto the bed, and nervously shut my eyes. But the moment I reopened them, I noticed Gorillamon's big finger through the window. Feeling frightened, I screamed for help. My butler came up and aided me out of the house.

While I was safe downstairs, I wondered about Betamon and wondered if he would survive the battle. That was when I saw Betamon jump out through the window and bit Gorillamon's finger. The bite apparently caused Gorillamon to howl in pain and flung my digimon partner high into the air. I cried out my friend's name as I watched in complete horror, praying that he would not die. I could not bear to see him dead. He was my friend, and I wanted him with me forever.

Suddenly, a bright white light engulfed Betamon as he digivolved into Seadramon. Then, in his new and temporary look, he knocked out Gorillamon out cold and defeated the pest. After all the excitement died down, I looked at my friend and partner in awe, fascinated by Betamon's courage and determination. However, before I was able to say anything to him, Seadramon thanked me. I asked him why, and he it was because I showed that I cared for him as well as believing that he would be safe. Hearing Seadramon's admission made me feel like crying as I hugged him with all my might.

About a week after the battle between the DigiDestined and Apocalymon, both Betamon and I had a long talk about our friendship and how not only our bond tightened, but also how I matured in the process. My mind clicked in surprise, because I did not really follow my progress of maturity even though I showed significant signs of it. Then, Betamon asked me, if there was something I would ever want (besides himself), who or what would it be.

His question completely stumped me. I had actually never thought about that before, and it took me quite some time to actually come up with a decision. With a very heavy heart, I told him the thing or things I would ever want were to see my parents. I explained to my friend and partner about my early childhood. The first thing I told him during our long talk was about my mother, who passed away shortly after giving birth to me. Then, I told him about my father being away to do his movie shoots. In other words, it was just very lonely in the household.

That was when I might have connected the reason to why I was acting like such a whiny baby. Maybe, it was a cry for attention; a way of crying for help, so my father can come by and care for me. Then, when he would show up, I would just wrap my own arms around him and cry, and crying _not_ out of a temper tantrum was something I did not usually do. I then told Betamon that I really missed my father and hoped that I would one day spend some quality time with him.

That was when the door to my bedroom opened, and I saw my father walking towards me. I assumed that he listened to the conversation Betamon and I had. Dad and I talked about our relationship and promised to be with me more from then on. After hearing that, I just could not bear to hold on to my emotions and hugged Father with all my might, telling him that I would completely change my ways and become a more mature person.

Ever since that fateful day, my father has kept his promise. Albeit his busy schedule, he was still able to spend some quality time with me. We did many activities such as fishing… _outside_ New York. We visited many areas around the world and went to many restaurants. He even invited me to an area where he participated in a movie.

Also, like I promised to my father, my attitude completely turned around, and I was no longer spoiled and whiny. I became compassionate, unselfish, and modest. It allowed me to become more communicative, and I gained some new friends. Most of them were DigiDestined just like me. And on my thirteenth birthday, I became friends with Mimi, one of the original eight DigiDestined members. If I were still a spoiled brat, I would have jumped for joy and shout happily. Instead, I remained calm and shook hands with her. I will admit, I was a little surprised that Mimi did not comprehend my gesture at first, but I soon understood why. Nonetheless, we became very good friends.

Several months later, Mimi told me that a human named the Digimon Emperor was terrorizing the Digital World by making various digimon his slaves. I was extremely surprised when I heard Mimi tell me that a human was terrorizing the Digital World by making various digimon his slaves. It also made me angry. I did not understand why would an eleven year-old child would ever desire to conquer the Digital instead of saving it.

To be honest, I was very surprised when I received an e-mail from one of the DigiDestined from Japan saying that a Dark Spore from inside his neck was tampering both his mind and behavior. I could not help, but feel sorry for Ken. When I first saw him in Florida, despite having a happy face on me when he was around, I felt very angry inside. Even though Mimi told me that Ken was a good DigiDestined, I didn't believe her. I was still too angry with him, and I had yet to forgive him for his cruelty in the Digital World. Hearing that response from that e-mail made me regret for inwardly lashing out my actions towards him.

So, after Ken was able to return safely to his house, with help from Davis, I e-mailed to the former Digimon Emperor, apologizing for my inner-anger towards him. Surprisingly, he responded by writing that he had every right to be mad. He then wrote that if he were in my shoes, he would have reacted the very same way.

Hearing his response made me feel very relieved. Afterwards, I apologized to Mimi for not believing her earlier, but she also understood how I felt and forgave me, as well.

When I saw Earth enter into sheer darkness, I felt very scared. The darkness made me delve back into my past of being a spoiled brat, and I did not want that to enter into my mind anymore. Despite turning my life around, I still had flashbacks from time to time about my selfishness. Seeing those continuous flashbacks made me feel scared; I wanted to give up.

That was when I heard an angelic voice in my ear. When I looked up, I noticed my mother's ghost in front of me. She told me to toughen up and fight this evil. I was no weakling, and I needed to show off my courage to beat this MaloMyotismon creature.

During her speech, I felt very choked up. It was the first time I ever saw her in any fom. I never saw any photos or video clips of her, and my eyes did not completely open until several days after she died. After her speech, I looked up, said "thank you" to her, and embraced her for the first time ever. And before her ghost vanished, I promised her that I would defeat MaloMyotismon for my friends, my father, Betamon, and most of all, my mother. I wanted to dedicate our victory to them, and I was not willing to quit. Not now, not ever.

That was when my digivice flashed, and I pointed it towards the sky. Soon after, the light penetrated the darkness, and I was sucked into the Digital World to help the rest of the DigiDestined. We were able to defeat MaloMyotismon, even though Oikawa died. Watching him die was painful, for I never actually saw anyone pass away before.

Thankfully, I was able to get over it, knowing that our adventure was over and that the main evils were defeated. Also, after several long months, Yolei and I were finally able to have our date. We went to Digitamamon's diner, and for once, he was in a very happy mood and did not make us clean the dishes. The date ended happily, with Yolei pecking me on the left cheek.

Now, I can move on with my life. I was no longer spoiled, and I had quite possibly the greatest friends I ever had. Plus, I believe I can help others change their ways and have better futures. And since I had the experience, and also considering to become a psychologist, I believe I can make that happen…

* * *

_Did you like it? If you did, read and review to tell me your thoughts. No flames please, and I'll see you next time._


	16. When Gifts Become Consequences: Maria

**_Disclaimer:_**_ Digimon is copyrighted by Akiyoshi Hongo and produced by Toei Animation, Bandai, and Disney. The plot and fancharacters are all I own here, and no profit is made in any way through these monologues.  
_

* * *

_**Author's Note:** After nearly a two-year hiatus, "Thoughts of the Children" is **FINALLY **back with a new monologue. This time, one of the more obscure DigiDestined is showcased, this one being more obscure than some others.  
_

* * *

**Thoughts of the Children**

**When Gifts Become Consequences: Maria**

Was it the right thing to do? Was it correct to do something because they want to be happy? If it was, then what about me? I wanted to be happy, too, but I could not, because I was not capable of liking it anymore.

Being who I was then, I always wanted to make someone proud of any kind of work I do for him or her. Whatever they wanted me to do, I was usually up to the task. Whenever I noticed their happy faces afterwards, I became grateful of their responses and would try to make everyone happy. And that meant everyone, from my friends to my parents. I always wanted to make them happy. It was a part of me that, according to my parents, was something really special. Of course, there were those who disagreed with my mother and father about their statement, but those were their views, not my parents'.

However, as I approached ten years old, the tectonic plates within me suddenly shifted. Those who were keen enough might have noticed that the happiness within and around me was becoming a mere façade. The part that my parents considered me "special" was becoming as blank as an unused sheet of paper.

Everything I did to help them made me very unhappy. Whenever I tried to aid someone, I became sadder and sadder. I saw their faces whenever I started and finished anything they asked me, and chills jetted through my bones. It was like they were treating me as nothing more than their slave, someone who could be used to do other people's work instead of having _them_ take care of the situation themselves. Why would they force me to do _their_ work, especially when almost everything was so simple? Was it because they were lazy, or something more villainous?

I then desired something, but only for myself and no one else. As selfish as it was, I no longer cared. So, on my eleventh birthday, I finally made my wish: What would it be like to actually be happy? What would it feel if I never actually had to force myself to help others? And what would it be like if they had to do the work themselves?

One week following my birthday, I was walking around the streets of Downtown Brooklyn when I noticed a crowd of people surrounding something near the main entrance of one of my former schools, and I soon joined in the crowd out of curiosity. When I first saw the commotion, I first thought it was an injured person, but it turned out to be a DigiEgg with horizontal brown and gold stripes.

The moment I dove my head within the crowd, a boy in oversized clothing asked me to pick it up, for no one else could do so themselves. At first, feeling I was going to be used, I was about to refuse when my conscience told me to listen to him. Sighing in defeat, I bent down and grasped it as firmly as I could. On that moment, a vibe raced through me, like I had become one with it. It felt very warm and comfortable, like I was in everlasting peace. But it all ended the second I lifted it off the ground. Although I never bothered to look up, I could sense bewilderment and shock from the crowd, making me believe that their claims were genuine… for once.

I returned to Manhattan Beach with it and thoroughly examined it upon putting it down on my bed, when I first noticed the Digivice dangling on a black cord connected to the DigiEgg. At the time, it looked very strange, one for something literally attached to an egg, and the other for how oddly shaped the Digivice was.

Curiosity racing in my mind, I pushed a random button, and the DigiEgg suddenly glowed bright gold. When the sudden luminosity vanished, the Digivice laid flat on my bed, its cord missing, and replacing the DigiEgg was a device called a D-Terminal and a small horse-like Digimon called Foalmon.

Seeing him baffled me, and after he said the following words, "I'm Foalmon, and I'm your friend and Digimon partner," questions swirled in my head. I had accepted the fact that he would become a friend, but why "partner"? Was there anything unique that tied us together? Furthermore, why _me_? What was so special about him being with me that it created this tight, permanent bond? I had to figure them out, with_out_ the possibility of being used as a possession.

The questions only started.

I decided to stay home the following day for three reasons, one of them being guarding and contemplating about Foalmon and our purpose as "partners" together. Why were we together? Was there some purpose for us to be like this – a "forced" unity?

And then, while sitting on my chair nourishing Foalmon, there was some faint whoosh, one that sounded a lot like a gust, coming from the computer. Yet, when I stared at it, nothing was there.

Feeling like it was nothing, I returned to aiding Foalmon, when the gust briefly came back, only more fiercely and physical, but not harsh enough to throw me out of my chair. I soon felt scared. Why were there a huge brush of wind, especially when all the windows were closed? It made no sense.

Then, an additional piece— It was a voice, one of calm, but sternness, too. She was talking to me through my mind, saying some intriguing pieces of information, like her knowing my personality and whole name, despite neither of us seeing each other.

However, what she later said made me feel like a dream was coming true. She told me that she heard that I was unhappy that I believed they only asked me to help them simply because they wanted to take advantage of me. She knew that I wanted to be in a place where I never had to be treated like I was some sort of tool, a place where I never had to obligate myself into helping _anyone_.

No longer. No more. It was refreshing despite thinking about it for such a long time.

The next words I heard were these:

"I can bring you into a dimension where you'll be free from your shackles, from your holdbacks. You, Maria, are the one who holds the keys, the one who holds your future.

"It is your freedom."

"Freedom" – it was finally mine. No way would I be able to be bound by anything anymore. I was finally free, forever.

"But," said she, "all needed now were two things."

I grew confused. What were there two more things needed to complete my dream?

"A memory and a Digivice."

More wonderment. Why a Digivice, whatever that was (back then)?

Its screen began glowing, answering my question. Now, all I needed was a memory, but of what? What kind of memory was needed for me to dive into his gold and take it?

Soon, one came out. It was strong, poignant. I could remember it very vividly. Cold, evil, yet fun that memory was. I loved every minute of it and sometimes reminded me of my goal. It was something that made me very, _very_ proud.

She later asked me if I had that memory, and I nodded in reply.

"Now, aim your Digivice towards the computer and say, 'DigiPort: open!'"

I thought this was simple, too simple, and I felt giddier and giddier. The moment I pointed my Digivice and entered the computer, all I could think about was that I was about to enter happiness, one that only _I_ could have, not even Foalmon, although I felt (somewhat) sorry for leaving him behind.

But where I arrived was no paradise.

Around me was like a furnace, but out of control. The environment sweltered with fire, from the buildings to the cars. Everywhere I looked, fire was burning, including atop of the asphalt and within thick billows of smoke high in the sky. And it was not only orange and yellow fire, either. Afar, bursts of green and blue flame exploded into the sky, and mass panic followed. I could tell people were dying, as ear-piercing screams erupted then suddenly quieted, like time expired for everyone and everything.

They were not the only ones panicking. I was, too, as my knees buckled from fright. What I wanted to be in was one similar to Heaven, where I could live without anything to hold me back. It was there whenever I needed it, whenever I wanted it. Only this "freedom" was not it. I was abound by the shackles, but one completely surrounding me rather than around my ankle.

"But this is your freedom. Do you want it?"

Her voice rang my head again, only more softly, like it was sweet. No way did I want it! No way did I want to live in a place that only Venus could match!

Then, what was underneath me was being pulled away. I screamed, I panicked, for my body was hoisted off the ground and hurled high in the sky. This living nightmare was becoming worse and worse, and I just wanted to wish I never listened to this voice and remained at home.

But before I could have a glimpse of a chance to think during my fall, I landed hard, and pain immediately surged down my spine. It hurt even worse as I tried to straighten, but when I did, I wished I could stay on the ground.

People and Digimon similar to Foalmon lay on the ground. Many bodies were twisted, as legs, arms, and heads bended in ways the human body was not designed for. The sight sparked even more panic from me, and I was starting to feel very, very sick.

Then, I felt something heavy slide down my hand. I had never experienced anything like it… And for some reason, I was really disliking it.

But when I looked at my hand, for the first time in my life, I felt helpless.

It was blood. Fresh, rich blood settled on my palm and occasionally dripped onto the ground!

My body screamed as loudly as possible, but my voice was lost. There was no way _to_ scream after touching this blood, especially since this was _the only place_ it was found! Everywhere else was merely corpses. Why was this the only place where blood was found, and the fact that I had to land there, of all places? Why did this have to happen to me? Why? _Why_?!

"Because your subconscious wanted it to happen."

There went her voice, only more sharply this time. I thought of nothing but anger at that point. Why had she really sent me there? And not because my "subconscious" wanted me to be here, too! I wanted a thorough, logical answer from her! And I wanted it _now_!!

"No, I won't, other than one more piece I want to give you."

So, she wanted to give me one more thing? What did she want with me, anyway? What was her cause for sending me into a place that only Satan itself would be comfortable of living in?

Alas, she would not give me anything else, other than to look behind, and by how stern her voice was, she did not expect me to do anything less. So I turned around, expecting the worst (if anything was worse).

It was I, lying facedown on the ground. My entire front, including my face, was implanted on the ground, like it was a self-made grave for me. And beside it— beside it… Beside it…

It was a small pool of blood. Rich and thick, it had settled itself around my lifeless right hand, like alligators silently examining its kill from below.

The next thing I knew, I shot up. Cold sweat perspired down my face, and my heart pulsated for oxygen. I looked around, particularly out the window, and noticed everything was normal. No red sky, no fire, and no smoke. And Foalmon was sleeping on my old pet condominium nearby. Then, I looked down and saw I was on my bed, and no trace of blood was on me at all.

A sigh escaped me. I was finally back home and was no longer in that inferno. I was no longer in that nasty, cruel place anymore, and I was going to make sure of that: From now on, I was going to remain here and only here. I was never going back.

Yet, I just could help but cry. The helplessness that first settled in me back in that dimension returned. I felt vulnerable in there. I could not defend myself, nor did I have the thought of doing so. Witnessing the inferno weakened me, made me paralyzed from fear. There was nothing I could do. I could not do something, nothing. I could not help them—

There was that phrase again: "I could not help them." Of all I wanted for so long, I no longer wanted to help anyone. I wanted to be one who was finally free from being a slave to everyone; I wanted to be my own person again, and I had it. Or I _thought_ I had it.

So why did I want to help them?

"All will be answered in due time."

That was the last time I heard from her, and afterwards, I became this shy girl at Manhattan Beach. I rarely talked to anyone, except Foalmon, who had since digivolved past his In-Training form and into the Rookie, Coltmon. Even then, he had no verbal idea about my secret, although from his occasional glances, I hunched that he knew about my thoughts.

During that time, I continued wondering why I was sent there in the first place. What was the reason for her sending me there? What was her purpose for forcing me to temporarily witness that catastrophe? What did it mean, especially for me? And why did I want to aid others despite setting my goal of not doing any of this? What caused me to even _think_ of such raw, silly emotions anymore? It was foolishness, foolishness, I had said.

Then, a part of me was completely ripped away.

It occurred in June 2002, a little more than a year following my date with Armageddon. After finishing school for the week, I decided to walk home rather than take transportation. Despite keeping firm into my goal, it was nice not thinking about it _too_ much, and I preferred taking my time home rather than rush back.

On the other hand, there was some doubt in me. For some reason, I was not happy, and not because I believed I was being used as a slave. It was something else…but I did not know what. As a result, I did not enjoy my walk; my face contorted to confusion rather than merry.

"Is something wrong?"

A kind, sweet voice echoed in the brownstone neighborhood. I was not certain if she was talking to me or not, but I turned my head nevertheless. What I saw was a teenage Oriental girl with pink-dyed hair sitting on a bench in a bus shelter.

From how she looked at me, I knew that she was talking to me and not herself, and I was not happy about it. We had not known each other, we had not seen each other before, but she wanted to strike a conversation with me? We were strangers, and I was not supposed to talk to them. Ignoring her was my best option now—

"Are you okay, because you look very confused?"

—But I could not drive myself to do so. It was like I was being dragged into it. Something coming from her made me consider the opposite of what I was supposed to follow.

Influenced, I sat next to her. We introduced ourselves, with her name being Mimi Tachikawa. We were about to begin talking—

"You have the device as I."

—When I noticed the Digivice similar to my own hanging on her skirt strap.

Mimi looked down and grasped her device.

"You have one, too, Maria?"

I nodded in reply.

"Then you're one of us."

Confusion etched on my face. What did she mean by "us"?

"This means that you're a DigiDestined."

More bewilderment built up within me. What was a DigiDestined?

From how Mimi gazed at me, it seemed like she knew my thoughts. She then explained to me what a DigiDestined was and what a DigiDestined contained: a Digimon and a Digivice.

That was when I realized why I had Coltmon. I was a DigiDestined. But I had no idea where the Digimon lived, until Mimi mentioned that they lived in the Digital World, a dimension where everything resembled a computer: from the structure to their attributes (Data, Virus, and Vaccine). She said Digimon had the ability to digivolve, a process where one Digimon could progress from one stage to another. The Digital World, according to her, was a world a lot like ours, but the only way to access it was via a computer, and that a D-3 Digivice – an egg-shaped Digivice with colored accesses on its side – was needed to freely open a gate to the Digital World.

What she said made me think. She told me that the Digital World was a dimension where Digimon roamed freely. The world contained Digimon just like Coltmon, and it had a very rich, clean habitat, one that was certainly better than New York City (or Los Angeles, the last time I heard).

And I now realized what Coltmon did when he progressed. He was digivolving. He went from Baby to In-Training and now to Rookie. From how Mimi defined it, he was maturing, both mentally and physically. Now, everything made sense to me.

Skepticism crept within me, though. If what she claimed was the Digital World, then why did I land in a place that was not so pleasant?

"I can see that you're not completely believing anything I said."

Mimi was right about this… but there seemed to be something more coming from her.

"I can tell that you're internally conflicting with yourself."

I eyed her, astonished. How did she know that?

"Apparently, you're feeling troubled by something. It's like you're thinking one way, when you really want to do something else. And it has been like that for a very long time, hasn't it?"

Her words floored me. What she said – more like _how_ she said it – rendered me speechless. It was like we were friends since I was around three years old, only that it was not. How did she know this, anyway?

"Y-Yes, it's been this way for a while," I stammered.

Mimi eyed me concernedly and asked me why.

Acknowledging that I did not know her (and despite my conscience "telling" me that it was not her business knowing this), I surrendered my defenses and revealed why I acted this way. From my unhappiness when it came to helping others, to wishing for a place that only I could be control of my own life instead of others, to hearing that woman voice telling me that I could real my goal easily, to watching Earth nearly obliterate itself in that dimension, to staring at myself dead – I was telling her everything. I told her my whole life story, for heaven's sake!

No longer could I hold in my emotions after that; my whole body took a toll bottling it all. As a result, I began to crumple, I began to weaken, and I began to shut down. Shut down physically… shut down mentally… shut down emotionally—

_I had enough_!!

The next thing I knew, I hung my head and started crying. All this time, I kept all this frustration, all this anger, inside me for so long, I just could not bare the inner-torment anymore. And this torment… It was driving me insane. Why did I have to do this? _Why did I have to put myself into all this torture_?!

"It's okay, Maria. It's okay."

Mimi's voice rang in my head, and I felt a pair of soft, slender arms wrap around my head and she whispered sweet, gentle words into my ear.

Her voice… It was kind and soft, like a mother whenever comforting her hurt child. It was helping me soothe the pain I was in.

Her arms… They were so tender. Like a cocoon, they protected me against my inner demons. Her hug gave me protection, gave me warmth for my own cold mind.

And her tone… It was so forgiving. I had just told her why I had been the girl I was. _I clouded my mind with this evil_! And, yet… nowhere in her persona did she sound angry. Nowhere. Not even a tiny sense. She sounded so sweet, so kind… It was like she was an angel who swooped from the sky and attempted to heal my heart, my body, and my soul.

And this was what she doing. I was healing. No longer was I someone seeking a vendetta anymore… and I could not help but feel relieved as a result.

I felt I had to thank her, and I gave her a tight hug around her neck in response. From her jolt, it was apparent that she was surprised by my actions, and for the first time in a long time, my laugh did not hint any malice.

Perhaps, that was why that voice had sent me to that dimension. Because she had noticed my mind and what I cruelly desired, and she wanted to teach me a lesson. Life did not mean always getting my way, whether I liked it or not, and that never got into my head. She was telling me that this goal was out of reach; it was impossible to achieve, no matter how much I desired it.

And I felt one more thing: remorse. That was why I wanted to help them back when I saw the inferno. I felt remorseful for all those who were dying. Now that I thought of it, the answer was in front of me, but because of my vendetta, I never realized it!

On the other hand, my gut told me there was more to it. Why did I notice Digimon other than Coltmon lying dead on the ground in that dimension? Was where I went part of the Digital World, too? I was going to have to find out eventually.

Since my encounter with Mimi, I decided to dedicate my time to helping my family and Coltmon, who I also told my story and thoughts to. As surprising as it was, he, too, was very understanding, saying that Digimon themselves sometimes felt such confusion within their own minds and hearts. Because I realized I was not the only one in potentially both worlds who had had their judgments clouded, I no longer had to worry about being the only one with such a problem.

My classmates' reactions when I arrived in school for the rest of the semester and the beginning of the next raised my spirits even more. It was like they were seeing a new person, which was true. I was no longer that quiet, uncommunicative girl with this senseless grudge. I was happy and dedicating… which I was before I broke character.

Then, Christmas 2002 came along. Albeit being supposedly peaceful, when Coltmon sharply eyed the window, I had a hunch what was truly happening. Suddenly, my D-Terminal buzzed, and there was a message from a DigiDestined name Phil. Seeing the urgency in the text, I decided to do what was best: help him.

The moment Coltmon and I stepped out the door, I told myself that unless we hitchhiked, there was no way to arrive in Rockefeller Center on time. I wanted to get there as fast as I could. I really wanted to help Phil, and I wanted to perform at my best.

The next thing I knew, my Digivice's screen glowed brightly. For the first since Coltmon was born, my Digivice activated. And this time, Coltmon glowed with it. He was digivolving again, but to what?

I looked back and noticed that he became Centarumon, a Champion-level Digimon. And, boy, did I at once believe he was the perfect Digimon to help me reach Rockefeller Center.

It turned out that I was right, as I had to hold onto his strong neck in order to remain on his back. He was fast, but I did not expect him to be _this_ fast.

Phil was not the only one there. There were actually many more DigiDestined at the scene, from Steve to Michael to Mimi to Davis. They were all DigiDestined, and they were trying to subdue a rogue Cherrymon from inflicting anymore damage. I was very surprised that there were so many in the city, and that I was one of them, one of the DigiDestined. And the fact that I helped them really made me feel really proud.

A day following the battle, I bumped into Mimi while trekking along the Avenue of the Americas, and I told her what had happened to me since our conversation. From her kind smile, I knew she felt very pleased, and my heart soared. Never had I experienced this before, and never did I want to forget it.

A few days later, however, a nightmare returned.

As I inspected the damage Cherrymon inflicted at Rockefeller Center, everything suddenly was consumed with darkness. The stars and moon had vanished, replaced with a very black sky. If there was any light now, it came from electricity. And then, I heard laughter, one of menace and cold. It sounded like some sick maniac, and he swore to conquer both the Digital and Real Worlds and destroy all the DigiDestined. MaloMyotismon's words made my blood boil; there was no way I was going to allow it.

But when I aimed my Digivice up towards the sky, nothing happened. I and all the other DigiDestined here were trapped in the Real World.

I tried pointing at it again, but it was all for naught. My cursed Digivice would not allow me to penetrate the darkness. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I hoped, there was no way to open the gate. And his menacing cackles echoed throughout the city, and they seemed to become more and more deranged. For the first time since watching the whole world slowly destroy itself, I grew hopeless.

"Maria."

A voice rang, only within my head, and my eyes widened tremendously.

"Maria, I know you can succeed. Please do not give up."

It was that voice again. The shakiness in her vocality indicated terror and fragility. But from how she said it at the end, she was still confident in me. She believed that I could still help break through MaloMyotismon's barrier of darkness.

If there was one thing I did not want to do now, it was disappointing my parents, Centarumon, Mimi, and that voice. I wanted to not only make them proud, but myself proud, too. Quitting when I was so close to completely reverting to my old, sweet self would do nothing except make the transformation moot. I had to help the other DigiDestined fight MaloMyotismon and help Centarumon, so that not only my world would be saved, but the Digital World, as well.

Suddenly, the Digivice glowed bright, and I pointed it towards the sky, calling out Centarumon's name. Whatever darkness above me slowly vanished, and like a magnet, I was pulled into the Digital World, where the scene resembled a ghost town.

After we defeated that devil, we all walked down the hills and watched Cody huddle with a dying Yukio Oikawa. Witnessing Oikawa pass made me feel sorry for him, since he gave up his hopes and dreams just so he could protect the Digital World and return it to normal.

His death especially made me pity Cody, who looked very down. Therefore, feeling like it was the right thing, I slowly walked towards him, embraced him gently, and continuously told him, "It's all right. Everything will be fine." I swore I heard a relieved sigh from him after he stopped crying. Then I looked back and witnessed a depressed Datirimon, and I hugged him so I could give him a shoulder to cry on, too. Datirimon soon stopped sobbing, saying that Oikawa was in a better place now, something that I agreed with.

As everyone slowly left the Digital World, Cody including, I looked at the dimension in front of me. It was pink and yellow, way different than the now subsequently mended Digital World. But as I squinted to block out some of the brightness, what was in there slowly turned white and in its place was the inferno that I was tricked into traveling a few years ago.

Realization soon hit me; the Digital World was not where I traveled, after all, and what that voice said was right. My subconscious really _did_ want me to go there; it was truly what my inner self yearned for, and I was not even aware of it. That was then, though. This was now. I changed, and I was not going back into being a selfish fool again. Nevertheless, I wanted to retain this memory of being in that illusion, because if I never went there in the first place, then I would not have had all those questions that could help me return to who I previously was.

But being there made me realize one more thing.

"What is that you're seeing?"

Upon hearing Mimi's curious query, I looked back at her with a smile.

"What my destiny would've been if my dream really did come true," was my response.

Before traveling through the DigiPort back home, I could have sworn I saw the spirit of a female phoenix fly by and seal the illusion by zooming into it.

Apparently, she was proud of me, too.

* * *

_**Author's Note:** What do you think? Read and review to tell me your thoughts.  
_


End file.
